Day 87 - Monday, March 28th, 2011

The sunny morning got off to an excellently auspicious start when not one but TWO Sealey the Squealy Seals were basking under the IFSC pedestrian bridge - a portent of imminent unprecendented wealth and joy. It proved to be the highlight of the day, however, for after the regular stint of toil, it was straight back to The Lighthouse for another 5-hour examining marathon. Gaah!

The solitary event of any semi-brightness whatsoever was a student writing "Please excuse my terrible grammar" but the grammar actually weren't bad at all!

Also, the March low-fat regime celebrated its fourth-last day with a regimen for Weetabix and low-fat milk with a glass of orange juice for breakfast, Marks & Sparks' Chicken Jambalaya for lunch, lashings of water all day, and fish fillets, beans and hot sauce stir-fry for dinner. The month-end results should be interesting and will hopefully be worth the weight (cue explosions of mirth).

Can you spot Squealy and his new wife/life-partner/child/mistress/business associate?

Contentment : 9 / 25
Excitement :    0.5 / 10
Memorability : 1 / 15

Overall Score : 21% (80th out of 87)

Day 86 - Sunday, March 27th, 2011

After a leisurely rise from slumber, a breakfastless but emotional farewell is bade to the George Hotel to which I will most certainly return. It is a gloriously sunny morning, affording a jacketless trundle up the High Street and into the Crawley suburbs before reaching K2 Leisure Centre at 11.41am, an outrageous 19 minutes early, but none-the-less allowing little time to dwindle on any fatigue possibilities.


Today I have been assigned to Board 14, and the following matches :

Round 1 (Round of 128)

James Wade 6 Matt Jackson 2

James doesn’t seem to be in the greatest of form, humour-wise, these days – cheer up Jimmy!, but he is perfectly pleasant during today’s proceedings and even cracks a joke later on in the day. The first 4 legs were shared here but James then upped the tempo somewhat to register a comfortable win.

Mark Frost 6 Devon Peterson 3

Having marked Mark before, I was pleasantly surprised at how much his game has improved – his Treble 20 hit-rate has significantly upped in particular. It was my first time to mark South African Devon and he’s a chirpy quirky character. He also performed an entertaining if somewhat dangerous stunt during the match when he caught his own bounce-out dart. He then proceeded to throw it again after his 3rd dart – cue uproarious bursts of unbridled merriment! Mark’s higher scoring got him first to the finish which was the ultimate deciding factor in this match.

Wayne Jones 6 Michael van Gerwen 3

Michael’s dreadful form continues, keeping pace with ever-solid Wayne to start with but then collapsing score-wise and looking thoroughly unhappy with his current game.

Ian White 6 Ryan Harrington 3

This was the first time for me to mark both of these players, in what was a largely low-scoring affair. Ryan plays at a slowish pace and scored very poorly until he got to the 150-200 stage at which point he produced a 140 or 180 to leave a nice 1-dart finish. But often his first 15 darts did the damage and Ian took advantage with a solid if not spectacular display.

Round 2 (Round of 64)

James Wade 6 Mark Frost 3

With a win under his belt, James was ever so slightly more chipper in this match, and when a double set-up went horribly wrong, he declared it to be “innovative darts,” eliciting a hearty chortle from me. Frosty seemed to freeze (snigger) somewhat at playing a big-name opponent, and with a little more self-belief definitely had the beating of James on his current form but it was not to be.

Wayne Jones 6 Ian White 4

A very tight contest this, although the averages were slightly on the low side.

Round 3 (Round of 32)

Wayne Jones 6 James Wade 1

James’ scoring collapsed further in this one throwing several scores of 60 and less in a row. It was almost 6-0 but a rare lapse of finishing from Wayne let James in to give the score a very slightly brighter hue from a Machine viewpoint.

Round 4 (Round of 16)

Wayne Jones 6 Ronnie Baxter 4

Ronnie continued to outline his desired handshake format to each player before the match, and it is likely this may continue until he has played everyone on the circuit. Wayne’s reaction indicated utter accommodation with the idea and he proceeded to edge this one to achieve one of his better days of late.

That concluded marking for the weekend, so time to sit back relax and enjoy the final contests of the day, armed with just a couple of hair-of-the-dog Fosters, brilliantly suggested and initiated by Essex Mark. In his semi-final with Justin Pipe, Paul Nicholson came lunging at me with a pound coin – what did it all mean? It meant he was thirsty and needed a bottle of water. Possibly because I looked all too comfortable in my chair, Essex Mark relieved me of the coin and returned with the water that was devoured upon receipt by Nicho. Essex Mark and I then began to greedily muse upon the percentage of winnings that this heroic deed would entitle us to, but then remembered that Paul is in fact a Geordie. Anyhoo, on he went to the final where he lost for the first time that weekend, to Wes Newton.

Time for a taxi to Gatwick with Brendan Dolan, Mickey Mansell, John Magowan, Aodhagan O’Neill and Essex Mark, splitting the cost nicely. Brendan wasn’t in great form as he had suffered two narrow 1st Round defeats at the weekend, whilst the others were just about pleased with the few hundred quid that each had amassed on average. Essex Mark headed to his train and the Ulster posse were heading to the North Terminal, leaving me frightened and alone in the South Terminal. It’s 6.33pm so time for breakfast!, which consisted of a complimentary Big Mac, won in their Monopoly promotion the previous Wednesday and a Chicken Legend meal. It certainly hit the spot, and pleasingly I didn’t have the customary post-McDonald’s “I wish I hadn’t eaten that” syndrome later.

Wetherspoon’s was visited merely for its quiz machine, and a £1 investment yielded a £4 return – phenomenal dividend! The Ruinair flight home was again buffoon-free apart from the air hostess who insisted on loudly reading incessant impersonal prepared texts on the mike in utterly mangled English. Via the QuickPark shuttle and Al the Almera, the Lighthouse was reached just after 11pm.

Contentment : 13 / 25
Excitement :     3.5 / 10
Memorability : 4.5 / 15

Overall : 42% (22nd out of 86)

Day 85 - Saturday, March 26th, 2011

Another PDC Players Championship Saturday, another rudely early bugler’s reveille courtesy of the Apple iPhone4, in the melodic form of a continuously ringing doorbell. It’s 6.10am, and time to make a beeline to another Ruinair flight via Al The Almera and a reliable-as-ever QuickPark shuttle bus. Who should I meet at the Gate but young Irish darts starlet William O’Connor? Normally the players travel over the night before an event, but alas his manager had had a blonde moment whilst booking his flight, entering his own name instead of Willo’s, and the change was unable to be effected until after the departure of yesterday’s flight. All this resulted in him arising at 3.30am to drive up from Limerick to catch today’s flight – dedication or what?! All is well with Willo otherwise, and a wedding date has been set in March for he and his officially-impending Missus.


The flight arrived in Gatwick at 8.50am so I waited around with Willo until his sheepish-looking manager came to pick him up at 9.40am. I would normally have been able to avail of a complimentary lift but needed to wait until 10am when the Lost and Found office opened. Once open, I was reunited with my wallet and all of its contents without very much hassle at all – another one of life’s Get Out Of Jail Free Cards used to excellent effect!

Off now to the airport train station for a quick 10 minute sojourn to Crawley and it appears that today is to be a day of pleasing chance encounters, for aboard is darts aficionado Krispy Brown, who is heading to the venue also. Disappointingly, there is no conductor aboard the train, and when I get to Crawley station, the ticket office is temporarily shut, so the kindly/unbovvered young ticket-collector chappie at the gate advises me to sail on through, in a gratis stylie – outstanding success!

A very short trawl through the town takes me to the George Hotel on Crawley High Street which is a splendid establishment indeed with good spacious rooms and a very central location. Via the dual magic of Google Maps and Shank’s Mere, I reach the ultimate destination of the K2 Leisure Complex which is to be the venue for the weekend’s Players Championship action. Displeasingly, I am over 17 minutes’ early for kick-off at midday but it does allow time for tearful reunions with players and fellow markers.

Baron Thomas Cox decrees that I am to officiate at Board 13 and we are underway :

Round 1 (Last 128)

In fact there are a few less than 128 entered today, giving Ronnie Baxter a bye and moving us speedily along to the next game – huzzah!

Paul Rowley 6 Michael Venton 0

This game was highly noteworthy in that it produced the lowest average that I have ever witnessed in a PDC Pro-Tour event, by Michael. I don’t know whether it was an aberration, or nerves, but his average would have been in the region of 45, and that was without really ever getting near a double except in the first leg, where both players struggled to get going. Thereafter, Paul scored decently but was never tested in this encounter. I would be surprised if Michael returned to the tour any time soon, but with practice aplenty anything is possible. A shame too, as he is a darn-nice chappie, introducing himself to me before the start of the match.

John Part 6 Dave Ladley 1

The brevity of the previous match seemed to catch John out, as he came within a whisker of being timed out, earning him a lengthy “Last Chance” warning from PDC Official Steve after the game. At the oche itself, he was in imperious form, scoring heavily and finishing well.

Mark Hylton 6 Steve Hine 4

It was Steve’s turn to narrowly avoid a time-out this time, with the speed of the previous two matches once again a factor. I wonder would it be a good idea to have a small stopwatch/stop-clock on each board, which gets activated as soon as the previous match ends, and gives the next players say, 5 minutes, to get to the oche? Just a thought. This match had a good scoring standard, with Mark scoring particularly highly and might have won by a little more if his finishing was more polished. Steve was in good form too though, ensuring an excellent close contest.

Round 2 (Last 64)

Just 49 minutes have elapsed and we are on to the next round – magnificent speed!

Ronnie Baxter  6  Paul Rowley  3
It seems that Ronnie is organising a personal campaign to streamline the manner in which handshakes take place before the match begins. Most players shake hands before both the bull-off and the start of the match, but Ronnie definitely does not like this, and outlines to each of his opponents during practice, that a solitary hand-shake should take place before the game, not the bull-off. It is interesting to see the reaction of the various players to this seemingly-innocuous but unusual proposal – Paul’s is one of bafflement. In the match itself, Ronnie starts slowly but then increases the scoring pace, giving him a relatively comfortable win against an ever-improving Paul.

John Part 6   Mark Hylton  4

Close one this, with John requiring all of his finishing might to take out a heavy-scoring Mark in what was an excellent match.

Round 3 (Last 32)

Ronnie Baxter   6   John Part 4

Ronnie goes 3 down in this one when the point of one of his darts breaks. John quips that Ronnie will have to play on regardless, with the broken dart – it is very clearly a joke, but Ronnie’s not for laughing. He comes roaring back into the game, prompting John to say, “I liked your other dart better.” He only gets to win one more leg before Ronnie, who seems to be now back in top-notch darting form, takes the match deservedly.


Round 4 (Last 16)

William O’Connor   6    Jamie Caven   3

PDC Steve asks me to mark this one on another non-marked board as a favour to the vanquished Colin Osbourne who apparently will buy me a pint in return (I’ve heard that one before). It’s always a pleasure to mark both Willo and Jamie though, and the standard is the best of the entire day. Willo hits no less than 4 3-figure checkouts which proves to be the difference between him and a very solid Jabba. I am chuffed for Willo as the £1,000 in ranking points has big meaning in terms of qualification for the World Grand Prix in particular, and also that his travel difficulties clearly didn’t affect his play.

Ronnie Baxter   6    Steve Farmer    3

I got the impression that Steve had run a little out of steam at this stage, whilst Ronnie was solid as a rock and was always comfortable in this 6-3 win.


That concluded official duties for the day, so time to sit back, relax and enjoy the remainder of the competition with the aid of good company and a quadrangle of Fosters pints (£3.30 each). Paul Nicholson’s 6-5 semi-final win against Gary Anderson provided compulsive viewing, as did his final win against Adrian Lewis after which he broke down in tears – it was actually fantastic to see how much the win meant to him. I joined in the congratulations after he had a chance to compose himself and asked how his ribs were, as he had played half of the final in visible agony after a stoop down for a darts flight went badly wrong, and he said they were still very sore. Kevin McDine took the opportunity to join the lengthy line of people who think that Paul and I look like each other.

After an enjoyable brisk walk back to the hotel, it’s time for All-You-Can-Eat oriental excellence at the neighbouring Wusandan restaurant, in the company of Grubby, Andy Jenkins, his unspeakably lovely boss-lady Karen, Chizzy Rascal and Essex Mark. £14 gives entitlement to wondrous culinary delights, especially the bottomless trays of crispy shredded duck, noodles, kung-po chicken, seaweed, melon and ice-cream, and the accompanying pints of Carlsberg are competitively priced at £3.50 each. You can see why it’s the Crawley restaurant of choice for so many of the players – at other tables are Gary Anderson, Andy Smith, Colin Osbourne, Jamie Caven to name but 4.

The banter is excellent so we adjoin to a packed Wetherspoons and meet up with Dan “Ozzie” Oyston, Bruce Terrett, Krispy and Lil’ Rich, and also chat with birthday boy Matt Padgett, the gentle 6 foot 5-and-a-half giant Mick Todd, the ever-cheerful Brendan Dolan and the shy retiring Shane O’Connor. Dan is keen as mustard for a game of darts so locally sourced information leads us to The Railway pub. It transpires that the local information is woefully inaccurate, as it does not possess a single dartboard, but we stay on to listen to the band’s choons and try our hands at the quiz machine. My reputation is threatened when £2 of investment yields no fruit, but the 3rd pound is the charm, reaping a £6 reward, with particular thanks to Bruce for some able assistance on 60’s and 70’s Pop Music.

We then get a taxi to the Premier Inn, and when we enter at 11.57pm to be told that the bar shut at midnight and that no more beer would be served, utter verbal fury is unleashed, almost all of it by me, for Hell Hath No Fury Like An Irishman Wrongfully Denied Beer. With the non-employment-loving barmaid utterly desperate to run home and remaining obtuse, I call for the manager, and bid her to turn on Sky News to prove that it is still before the Bewitching Hour. Again she is initially not for turning because of the (expletive-free) tone of our (my) fury, resulting in the snivelling toad Ozzy performing a public St. Peter style disowning of his fellow marker, uttering something along the lines of “I tell you most solemnly, I do not know these people, so can you just get me a beer.” If ever you meet Ozzy, be sure to greet him henceforth with repeated loud utterances of the word “Scab!”. My fury does not relent, and the promise of calling head office in the morning to let them know that Andrea The Manageress and her bar operative refused to increase their profits by turning away good drinking business before closing time does the trick nicely, and instantly the taps are once again flowing with the finest ales.
We sit with John Henderson (provider of my signed 9-darter board) and his Boss-Lady, who treats us to a Whitney Houston medley and I in turn deliver the first two verses of American Pie before the Premier Inn Thought Police arrive to command an end to my haunting melodies. Time to case this excuse of a joint and head to Liquid Nightclub where I think Essex Mark and I were supposed to each pay £8 in but we kept on walking and weren’t stopped – great success! Fear not, Liquid shareholders, for we invested heavily in your drinks merchandise instead, because lady-worrying robotic dancing is highly thirsty work. The DJ played his last choon at 3.30am, which was really 4.30am due to the clocks going forward, so time to amble back to the hotel to catch forty winks.

Contentment : 16 / 25
Excitement :    5.5 / 10
Memorability : 7 / 15
 
Overall Score : 57% (3rd out of 85)

Day 84 - Friday, March 25th, 2011

There was dancing on the streets of Northern Trust Ireland today, as it was a day of casual attire. Add the fact that it was a gloriously sunny Friday and you have the perfect recipe for an evening of wondrous conviviality, but alas impending examination correcting deadlines and an early flight to Gatwick the following morning combined to ensure nothing of the sort, enjoying hours of correctage instead.

Random Photo With Very Vague Connections To Exam-Correcting

Contentment :8.5 / 25
Excitement : 0.5 / 10
Memorability : 1 / 15

Overall Score : 20% (83rd out of 84)

Day 83 - Thursday, March 24th, 2011

After a strenuous Thursday’s toil, it would normally be time for Thursday Night Darts Club, but alas it was not scheduled to take place tonight due to many key athletes being out of the country and/or generally unavailable. Instead, it was back to The Lighthouse for further strenuous toil in the guise of the correcting of some of the 350 Investment Funds Certificate examination scripts that have recently been presented to me for my critical consideration. For many a year now, the Institute of Bankers in Ireland has employed me as an examiner for the Custody & Registration and Fund Accounting modules, so the evening saw me wade through script after script for a good solid five hours. I would be telling the most fantastical of untruths were I to say that it was hugely enjoyable fare, but it is a great privilege to do so, and it does put a number of extra slices of bread onto the proverbial kitchen table, which is nice.




Contentment :           7 / 25
Excitement :              1 / 10
Memorability :          1 / 15

Overall Score :         18% (83rd out of 83)

Day 82 - Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

Alas after noon, on yet another fine sunny day, it was time to depart The Rock and head back to Hibernia. A Flybe hairdryer brought me as far as Gatwick, taking all of 40 minutes. Disembarking, and onwards through security, it was time for a bite to eat, for I had not eaten, and after perusing the options, plumped for Wetherspoons. I sat down, opted for tomato and basil soup followed by Chilli Con Carne, and then reached for my wallet to order at the bar, only to realise that said wallet was not there, nor was it anywhere on or around my person.

An anxious mosey back to security resulted in fruitless results, then onwards to the airlines desk, where a nice elderly man phoned Flybe and found out that my wallet had indeed been located on the incoming plane - yay! However, it was now down the lost and found "chute", and would not be able to be recovered until tomorrow morning - hiss! Luckily I am due to fly back to Gatwick on Saturday morning so can recover it then - huzzah! But in the meantime I had just £6.55 on my personage - boo!

Nothing for it then but to head for the only budget option in the town that is Gatwick Airport South Terminal Departures - McDonald's!, enjoying a Double burger with cheese, some Chicken Burger thingy and a creme egg McFlurry. Well, beggars can't be choosy. However, there was some Monopoly game-card promotion currently running, and my sticker revealed that I had won a Big Mac - great success! - which will be enjoyed next Sunday on the way home from Crawley.

Onwards to the Ryanair check-in queue , where particularly vigilant check-in personnel were insisting that only one bag of any description could be carried on, and it had to fit into their cage. Mine failed on the first 2 attempts, leading me to don an extra pair of jeans, a shirt and jacket, which did the trick nicely!

Luckily I had pre-ordered a cab from work to meet me at the airport and bring me home, because with no cash or bank-cards, it would have been a long walk back to The Lighthouse!

Contentment : 8.5 / 25
Excitement :    2 / 10
Memorability : 2 / 15

Overall Score : 25% (61st out of 82)

Day 81 - Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

Another glorious maritime walk to work this morning, with blue skies, bright sunshine and reasonable temperature. The odd thing is that Guernsey folk simply can't stop using their cars, summed up by one work colleague who told me that she lived 8 minutes from work, yet never walks in! Work blissfully concluded shortly after 6pm, and Lady Ferguson and I made a beeline to the White Hart tavern where we were soon joined by colleagues Laurence and Carrie, moving onwards to The Crows Nest restaurant which had very fine views of the marina. Main course for me was a chicken chilli pasta dish which I ordered extra extra spicy (yes I know, it's getting tiresome now), producing but a mild kick.

Talk of continuing the lively conversation in Barbados nightclub was displeasingly suppressed, enforcing retirement back to Moores' lodgings.




Contentment : 13 / 25
Excitement :    3 / 10
Memorability : 3 / 15

Overall Score :  38% (28th out of 81)

Day 80 - Monday, March 21st 2011

After a most delightful breakfast, provided by the good people at Moores Hotel, it was time to shuffle along the promenade with Lady Siobhan Ferguson for an honest day's travail at Northern Trust Guernsey. What a gloriously sunny blue-sky morning! There is something particularly bright about the sky and sunlight here in Guernsey - hopefully the pictures capture this somewhat.

Anyway, after a delightful and long day's work, where literally the people here say literally all of the time, literally, it was time for Lady Siobhan, Baroness Chelley and I to nosh down, and where better to do so than at Village East, where the menu was the most varied seen since that of the Black Magic menu card.

For me to start, delightful crab linguini with accompanying tomato basil mozzarella and avocado salad, then a mouth-watering lamb casserole in red wine sauce with new potatoes and carrots, then meringue with vanilla Guernsey ice-cream and chocolate sauce, all washed down with medicinal green tea. Bleedin' d'lish, man.

The view from the office is simply beastly

Contentment : 13 / 15
Excitement :    3 / 15
Memorability : 3.5 / 15

Overall Score : 39% (27th out of 80)

Day 79 - Sunday, March 19th, 2011

So, it's 7 o'clock on a Sunday morning and I'm getting up for a flight - "what gives?!", I hear you scream, in a most endearingly high-pitched manner. I'm off to Guernsey on a business trip, you see, and if I dalllied in Hibernia until later in the day, my flights would have cost €650, so for the corporate cause I have volunteered myself to depart early, saving over €400 - what a corporate angel!

A taxi ferries me from The Lighthouse to the aerodrome, and I note with interest from his ID on the dashboard that the driver's name is Hao She. "Hao She cuttin'?", I shriek, with humourous glee, purely in my mind, as the comment would have been likely to cause considerable offence. The conversation was in fact restricted to establishing that I did indeed wish to go via the Port Tunnel and to answer his question of "Which terminal are you going to?", with "To 1", which I instantly recognised to be confusing, seeing as the options were 2 and 1. "2?", he asked? "No, 1", I replied.

I felt that surely this would the very one time that I would take a Ryanair flight where the plane would be at least one-quarter empty, for who in their right mind would want to go to Bristol at the crack of Sunday dawn? Of course I had entirely forgotten that English folk had been in the city in their thousands the night before, hoping in vain to witness a Grand Slam success, so of course the flight was full to capacity. It was again deliciously buffoon-free though, although the air hostess was one of those plonkers who loves to turn the speaker up to maximum volume and peddle all sorts of tat such as scratch cards, smokeless cigarettes and creamy cappuccinos throughout the flight, culminating in the noisy release of the Punctuality Bugle.

Yes, the flight was perfectly on time, meaning that I had no less than 5 hours to pass in Bristle airport, and I did so with relative ease, starting with brunch of a smoothie, fruit salad and tomato egg 'n basil sandwich, moving onwards to intense scrutiny of the Sunday papers.

Before one knew it, 'twas time to board an Aurigny hairdryer which transported me with effortless ease to a very sunny Guernsey, where Graham the friendly taxi-man was upon hand to whisk me to Moores Central Hotel, which was indeed very central, being as it was in the very heart of St. Peter Port. After a most pleasant walk along the harbourside, time for an ale in the White Hart Inn to watch Chelsea beat Manchester City 2-0 followed by the second and final meal of the day at Sawatdee Thai restaurant, consisting of sublime hot and sour Tom Yum soup with giant prawns, a hot and sour beef salad, chicken massaman curry (which was requested to be ultra-spicy and naturally was nothing of the kind), lemon sorbet and jasmine tea. Bleedin' d'lish, man!

Aurigny Hairdryer Airlines

St. Peter Port Harbour viewed from on of the town's stepped crannies

Nice day for the sails

Contentment : 10.5 / 25

Excitement :    2 / 10

Memorability : 2.75 / 15

Overall Score : 30.5% (46th out of 79)

Day 78 - Saturday, March 19th, 2011

An early evening foray was made via a 128 bus to the Bleeding Horse to watch the culmination of the 2011 Six Nations rugby tournament - a pleasing development purely as it means that a temporary end to those disgustingly awful Guinness ads where nonsensical hyperbole is spouted to a backdrop of various constipated-looking green-jerseyed folk. Thankfully the rugby itself was a delight to watch, with Ireland dominating proceedings from the get-go and running out easy 24-8 winners, filling us with hope that a very decent World Cup run may occur in the autumn.

Joining in the celebrations was a delightful medley of Cavan folk - sibling Austin, the Delaney siblings, the Maguire siblings, the Connolly siblings, Lady Ann-marie Ferguson, Cathal Cronin and Gearoid Cassidy. Several honoured non-Cavan guests were also present in the guise of Papa David Lavignotte, Doctor Trevor Underwood and a host of other luminaries.

Onwards to The Palace Bar, former undisputed home of TNDC darts, where The Equaliser and I threw a number of arrows, and were joined by some random others, who certainly knew how to play. After a couple of refreshing drink fusions, each with alcohol-based containments, it was time to forego the salivating temptations of Flannery's and head home, for an early-morning flight was looming large......

Standing round the fire, watching the rugby....

Contentment :  14 / 25
Excitement :     3.5 / 10
Memorability :  4.5 / 15

Overall Score : 44% (15th out of 78)

Day 77 - Friday, March 18th, 2011

There is no sense in returning to work for a single day after a bank holiday if one can help it, is there? IS THERE? Thank you for replying, and of course you're absolutely right, there indeed isn't. There IS sense though in indulging in a most magnificent triple cinema treat, which kicked off with viewage of Rango (6/10), an animated romp starring Johnny Depp, and jolly entertaining it was too, concocted more with adults than kids in mind, methinks.

2nd up was The Lincoln Lawyer (7/10), a hugely watchable affair starring Matthew McConaughey, Ryan Philippe, Marisa Tomei, John Leguizamo and William H. Macy - a stellar cast that did not disappoint, nor did the dialogue nor the plot.

Final flick of the post bank holiday trilogy was Submarine (5/10), a low budget Welsh offering that was technically brilliant but ultimately didn't quite satisfy. Performances were excellent (except for the mother) and the film was humorous without being funny, which naturally makes no sense whatsoever.

I took the LUAS home which was packed due to the presence of a few hundred of the 9,000 brave impoverished Irish souls who had somehow squirreled away €55 each to watch the godlike Enrique Iglesias sing for 75 minutes - oh when will this miserable oppressive recession end, WHEN?!?!


The Name's Rango........

Contentment : 12.5 / 25
Excitement :      1.5 / 10
Memorability :  1.5   / 15

Overall Score : 31% (41st out of 77)

Day 76 - Thursday, March 17th, 2011

And thus the dawn of Saint Patrick's Day did occur, and with it, a beeline to Casa Del Conquer, which very conveniently happened to be on the top floor of a building which overlooked the Dublin St. Patrick's Day parade. A good two dozen revellers had made their way there, ensuring that spirits were continuously high, even without the aid of many delicious bottles of Carlsberg.

I spent a successful 2 hours on the decks, spinning choons that were pleasing to the masses, and then retired to enjoy the works of other talented artists. The vibe was excellent and the day passed into evening and night very quickly indeed.

Contentment : 14 / 25
Excitement :    3.5 / 10
Memorability : 4.5 / 15

Overall Score : 44% (16th out of 76)

Day 75 - Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

On this most glorious of weeks, Wednesdy is in actual fact a Friday, as tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, and I'm taking Friday off too - huzzah! Lunch was celebrated with a rare external foray - this time to Thai Spice with Gar and Rory. The sun was shining and the sky was completely blue, making for a delightful walk to and from there across the Liffey. I went for the daily special - chicken with vegetables garlic and chilli. Naturally I asked for it to be made ultra-hot, but naturally it didn't make the ultimate heat grade, although it admittedly did have a very nice kick, and was tasty as.

Thursday Night Darts Club was brought forward to this evening on the occasion of tomorrow's most sacred feast day, and it attracted the highest attendance in some time, with no less than 9 athletes lining up at the oche, including stunning debutante Sinead O'Driscoll, throwing darts for the first time ever and making rapid progress in her game throughout the evening. The other lady athlete present, Signorina Lara Della Volpe, was in outstanding form again, hitting a 95 finish in the first game of the evening, which was not bettered all night.

Gar "Milky Bar" Kiernan's receipt of a rare all-night visa from Herself proved to be entirely justified when he walked off with his 2nd TNGC title of his career - a well-deserved accolade, although I had 9 darts to take it for myself and just couldn't hit the requisite double, so the 8-month title famine continues.

After a few very enjoyable games of cricket with Gar and Rory, I met up with Mark, Shane, Tom and Glen and headed to Tripod to see Carl Craig and Luciano. We opted for balcony tickets, affording prime dancing and vantage spots at the front right and access to the upstairs bar. The set was a very good one, with an excellent Latin beat flavour, and all too soon the 3.30am end came. Uncontent to leave it at that, we made the short walk to the Collosus Casino, where 90 minutes of blackjack was enjoyed, despite the best efforts of the most surly dealer ever - a South African chappie who clearly hadn't been to Casino Charm school, as he delighted in berating the many novices at the table. I was €80 up at one stage and was ready to walk when the figure when it reached €100 but it didn't happen, and the €80 was duly surrendered too, so it was time to take leave and retire back to the Lighthouse.

Lara with her triumphant 95 finish!

   A radiant new TNGC champion Gar (centre) poses with fellow athletes Mark and Rory

Contentment : 15.5 / 25
Excitement :    4.5 / 10
Memorability : 5 / 15

Overall Score : 50% (7th out of 75)

Day 74 - Tuesday, March 15th, 2011

Alas there was displeasing news to start the day with Michelle not feeling well - was it a rogue prawn from the night before perhaps? The jury of her mind was out on the matter, but she did need to leave the Northern Trust premises early to recuperate.

Joy of joys, Tuesday Night Gold Club was upon us again, brought forward by a week due to next Tuesday not suiting many athletes. The course played this time was Oakmont Country Club, featuring ultra-thin fairways and much wood. Richie Richmeister Rich did us a favour by halving the normal lead-time of each of his shots and it turns out that this did himself a favour also, improving his game all-round and resulting in his first TNGC title. I played decently and retuned 34 points for a nother middle-of-the road placing of 4th out of 7, but feel that a breakthrough to a lower handicap is imminent. Alas, the time-honoured tradition of a post-event to The Oarsman was not observed on this occasion, but normality will hopefully be restored on March 29th.


Metro Golf. Without Golfers.

Contentment : 10.5 / 25
Excitement :    2.5 / 10
Memorability : 1.5 / 15

Overall Score : 29% (44th out of 74)

Day 73 - Monday, March 14th, 2011

After much postponement from all quarters, this evening I finally got to dine with work cubicle colleagues Amaia, Dee and Michelle. A couple of pre-prandial drinks were had in Dicey Reilly's Beer Garden (all pints just €2.50 all night) and then it was on to Saagar Indian Restaurant for yes, you guessed it - a Citydeal dinner! For just €12.50 apiece, we were each treated to a starter, main course, glass of wine and tea or coffee. The food was excellent - I had a very tasty sheekh (lamb) kebab for starters, and then asked for extra-hot chicken chilli masala, but as with the patrons who always ask for "blue" steak but never get it, it was hot but just not hot enough. Some day soon it'll happen. The ladies were very pleased with their culinary offerings as well, and with an extra glass of wine and the largely awful service (the waiter appeared to have a fetish for getting the ladies to hand their empty plates to him and also receive the full ones into their hands too), the bill came to just €20 each. Back to Dicey's for a nightcap and further flowing banter, but we were all sensible and packed ourselves into taxis by 10.30pm.


Dicey's ever-impressive beer garden

Contentment : 12 / 25
Excitement :    3 / 10
Memorability : 3 / 15

Overall Score : 36% (28th out of 73)

Day 72 - Sunday, March 13th, 2011

At 10am I was awoken by the knock of the breakfast maid, who kindly brought forth to my very door a simple but delicious continental breakfast of 2 Weetabix with milk, orange juice, a banana and an iced danish pastry - huzzah! There being nothing hot to imbibe, I caught several further multiples of forty winks, and then arose later to enjoy their delights, then check out and amble by Shank's Mare to Robin Park, arriving at 11.46am, which as we know by now is 46 British minutes late and 14 Irish minutes early.  

Monsignor Thomas Cox anoints me with the holy oils of Board 8 - a truly blessed area, as it is one of only three that bear no preliminary round matches. The matches transpire as follows :

First Round (Last 128)

Wes Newton 6 Jason Crawley 1

Wes seems like a new man these days - it's not long ago since he used to stagger around venues in a state of utter refreshment, but now it seems like he is at best slightly merry, if not completely sober. This change is doing him the power of good too, it seems, and today gets off to an excellent start for him with a demolition of Jason, who threw better than a number of players at my board yesterday, but was up against someone in devastatingly good form.

Brendan Dolan 6 Kevin Dowling 4

FACT! - there is not a nicer player in the PDC than Brendan Dolan, and that is saying something. He is as nice as pie to markers and to opponents, and constantly compliments the latter when they hit a good score or finish. Kevin is a gentleman too, so this turns out to be the most gentlemanly game ever, and it is brimming with quality, with both players taking out two three-figure finishes each. Brendan is definitely the better scorer though, and deserves to edge this one by achieving a single serve-break.

Gary Anderson 6 Andy Pearson 3

This is my first time to mark World Finalist Gary, and I find him to be sound as a pound, but definitely not someone who is very happy with his darts at the minute, which is summed up by him finishing the match where he has 5 left with 2 darts to go by hitting 3 then double 1 (with his opponent left on 49). A few such incidents point to a lack of general care, but are largely hidden by his phenomenal ability to score 140 so often.

Jamie Caven 6 Steve Grubb 5

This was my first time to mark Grubby, my fifth for Jabba, and what an absolute epic it was. Steve deservedly went 2-0 up with some heavy scoring and looked like making it 3-0 before Jamie returned to form out of nowhere, hitting a brilliant 152 finish. Steve stayed ahead until Jamie broke back with another brilliant finish - 130 this time. Steve then held his throw to go 5-4 up, but Jamie won the final two legs to edge through. A genuinely awesome game.

Second Round (Last 64)

Wes Newton 6 Brendan Dolan 2

The banter and camaraderie between these two was absolutely fantastic to witness. Before the game, Wes wanted to know how drunk Brendan was, reckoning that the more drunk he was, the more dangerous he would be. Thankfully for Wes, Brendan was relatively sober, which coupled with Wes' amazing high scoring, resulted in him winning relatively easily. It was tight to start with though, but any good score or high finish was instantly complimented by Brendan, probably putting Wes at more ease if anything.

Gary Anderson 6 Jamie Caven 4

Yet another top quality game of darts - 140s and 180s were flying in from both players, especially from Gary, who struggled again with doubles but eventually prevailed. Jamie did nothing wrong really, but good finishing saw this match go to a deserved lengthy end.

Third Round (Last 32)

Wes Newton 6 Gary Anderson 3

This was a phenomenal game in terms of scoring, but Wes won it on account of also being able to add double-finishing to his game. Again, I got this strong vibe from Gary of it all being something of a chore for him, and his heart not being completely in it.

Wayne Mardle 6 Ronnie Baxter 3

With my board finished relatively speedily, I was asked to mark some games on other boards, starting with this battle between two well-established darting legends. It was an excellent game, with both players again scoring big, especially Ronnie, but his doubles let him down badly, allowing Wayne to claim an impressive win.

Round 4 (Last 16)

Antonio Alcinas 6 Wayne Mardle 3

The warm-up started with Wayne expressing his warm appreciation of me and my fellow markers, saying that he was on the only board without a marker yesterday, making him appreciate us even further. The thanks was warm and genuine and it was great to hear from Wayne The Gentleman. But then the game began and a different man emerged - one who was determined to pull out every trick in the book to achieve a win. Every time he was left on a finish, he would bellow out to me to repeat what it was, even though it was on the board in clear writing, with a mark through his last score to ensure there could be no ambiguity.

Example - he was left on 63. "63, fella, YEAH?" "Yes Wayne, 63"

Not once, but every time he was on a finish.

Any 180 or double that he hit was followed up by a roar that would have been heard with ease at the other end of the hall. In fairness to Antonio, he did not flinch during the game at all, hitting constant ton-plus scores, and finishing on double top in particular at the first time of asking. At 5-3, Wayne was starting to edge back into it, but Antonio hit a 180 on his second throw, and in fairness to Wayne, he said "Great darts." But the damage was done at that stage, so when Antonio hit the winning double, the young Spaniard finally became vocal, uttering words of delight in Spanish aloud but to himself. In what is not his finest moment, Wayne decided to mock Antonio, basically for speaking his native Spanish tongue, and unfortunately a few buffoons behind the barrier decided to laugh heartily at this, rather than be largely disgusted. Again Antonio exercised great restraint, but the utter fury on his face was plain to see afterwards - it would not be an understatement to say that he jad been emotionally scarred by the game, but perhaps one that will ultimately serve him well in terms of experience. PDC official Gary Wood came across swiftly to have a word with Wayne, and hopefully that is the last of that type of behaviour that we see from him, as it doesn't profit him to do it, and deep-down he is a much nicer person than that.

Quarter Final

John Part 6 Antonio Alcinas 5

This was a nerve-filled match and the high scoring that both had been recording up until now largely deserted them both. The stakes were high, not least with the extra £1,000 and ranking points that went with this win alone, and it showed in the play. It was a brilliant contest all the way through and both had opportunities to win the final leg before John closed it out.

For the record, Vincent van der Voort beat Raymond van Barneveld in an all-Dutch final where both players missed double 12 for a nine-darter!

Time to trundle up the road with my roller-suitcase to Wigan Wallgate station, where I took a train to Manchester Victoria, and walked into the city for a bite to eat. As I hadn't eaten since breakfast, I was more than ready for the delightful £6.95 all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet, where I downed a hearty chicken salad, followed by hot and sour soup, chicken n brussel-sprouts noodles (bleedin' d'lish!), and fruit and ice-cream -mint! (Yes, the ice-cream actually was mint-flavoured.)

Nourished and replenished, onwards now to Piccadilly station and a train to the airport, where the Ruinair flight was delayed for 40 minutes (resulting in no punctuality bugle - huzzah!), but meaning that I didn't make it home until 12.30am. Still and all, it did not deflect from what was a brilliant weekend, with another one to come in Crawley in just a fortnight's time.


Nnnnnnnnnnnnnow, Vincent van der Voort, van der Voort, Vincent van der Voort!

Contentment :  14 / 25
Excitement :     4.5 / 10
Memorability : 4.5 / 15

Overall Score : 46% (13th out of 72)

Day 71 - Saturday, March 12th, 2011

At 5.02 am (12 minutes later than the previous darting escapade), I was awoken by the iPhone-generated sound of the continuous pressing of a doorbell, heralding the beginning of yet another epic tungsten-tinged weekend. Al The Almera transports me to the airport car-park, and the shuttle bus gets me to the aerodrome in relatively quick time, although the numb-nut who decides to continuously press against the Stop button, eliciting an ear-piercing beep, deservedly merits an entry in my Book of Bastards, on Page 17.

Security is negotiated speedily and without incident, and the Ruinair flight is a very pleasant one, with a surprising lack of buffoons aboard. It all even makes the Punctuality Bugle sound semi-pleasant when it is foisted upon us shortly after landing. And get this - it's not raining in Manchester - ace!

Via two quick train journeys (to Manchester Piccadilly and onward to Wigan Wallgate), I find myself in Wigan's BHS cafe at 9.15am, enjoying a 5-item breakfast with hot drink for £2.34 - magnificent! Now I realise that you would simply refuse to allow me to continue if I didn't reveal the identity of those 5 breakfast items, so for the record, 'twas hash brown, baked beans, scrambled egg, fried agg and potato skins, with a mug of green tea. Simply delicious, it has to be said, which is fortunate, as I've just said it.

Time still remains on my side, so I exploit this situation by visiting one of my favourite clothing emporium chains, Republic, acquiring a new jacket and a flannel shirt - boss! Then onto WH Smith's to cash in a voucher discovered in a discarded Daily Star on the train which entitles me to a complimentary set of headphones - mint!

A 20 minute walk from town (wearing swanky Maxell Swarowski crystal headphones and listening to the latest episode of Tiesto's Clublife) brings me to Robin Park Tennis Club, which is this weekend's epicentre of the darting world, hosting a brace of UK Open Championship Qualifiers, each boasting £35,000 in prizemoney. The time is now 11.37am, which makes me 37 minutes late in British terms (as there is a requirement to turn up an hour in advance and do nothing) and 23 minutes early in Irish terms (as I have arrived 23 minutes before I am required to do any work).

After highly-emotional reunions with my fellow marking colleagues, the following moments reveal that I have acquired custody of Board 12, and the following matches :

Preliminary Round

Simon Jones 6 Nigel Birch 5

I know I'm sugar-coating it terribly, but this was the worst, most dire and most unenjoyable PDC match that I have ever marked, and both players concurred with me afterwards in this regard. The first leg was won in 28 darts, the next in 25 and it didn't improve as the match, which of course lasted the full 11 legs, went on. In terms of ebb and flow it was an epic, with Simon from the Isle of Man going 5-1 up before Nigel brought it to a decider, but the ultra-low scoring and finishing standards negated all of this.

First Round (Last 128)

Mark Dudbridge 6 Ian Lever 0

Mark was full of chat before the game started and was in commanding form in the match, white-washing Ian who simply never got going. Mark hit 180s for fun, especially in his 1st 3 darts of many legs, setting my greedy thoughts focusing on yet another 9-darter. Mark hung around afterwards and we had a great chat. He asked who my favourite player was and I replied that I didn't have one, being an impartial marker. He reckoned that it should be Paul Nicholson, due to my similarity to him, and he is far from the first to say it! I have also been compared looks-wise to James Wade and Barney's former manager - can you spot the spectacle-theme here?!

Antonio Alcinas 6 David Coyne 2

This was my first time to mark both Dave, my travel buddy par excellence, and Antonio, the Spanish Boy Wonder. I greeted Antonio with a "Mucho gusto" (pleased to meet you), prompting a genuine look of delight. What followed was a fantastic rapid-fire game with excellent scoring by both players. Antonio got his nose ahead early on, and Dave's spirits were quickly lowered - when Dave starts focusing on the entire game and keeps positive even when behind, he is going to start winning games, and plenty of them. I saw something similar in Michael Smith last year when he loved to win 6-0 and 6-1 but almost always came out the wrong side of a match that went to 10 legs or more, and he has now kicked on nicely. Antonio was hugely impressive though, and is going to rapidly ascend the ranks in the months ahead.

Richie Burnett 6 Ashley Holgate 2

During the lengthy wait for Richie to arrive (a time-honoured PDC tradition, apparently), I chatted with Ashley who had time to tell me about his time in the US where people always spelled his name wrong (Ashley is considered a female name there, with Ashleigh the male equivalent) and confused his surname with that of a toothpaste brand. When Richie did turn up, he was in imperious form, recording an easy win.

Barrie Bates 6 Simon Jones 4

This game again featured low scoring and sloppy finishing - does Simon have this effect on everyone?! The game's duration did give me time to notice Barrie's limp which is getting worse all the time and surely corrective surgery needs to be on its way soon.

Second Round (Last 64)

Mark Dudbridge 6 Antonio Alcinas 5

This was to be a day of matches of wildly varying quality, but thankfully now it was time for an absolute epic. Both players were in sublime scoring form and before we knew it, we had arrived at the 11th and deciding leg, which Mark took.

Richie Burnett 6 Barrie Bates 3

I expected there to be a little more banter than there was in this Welsh derby, where Richie always looked like the winner.

Third Round (Last 32)

Richie Burnett 6 Mark Dudbridge 4

An excellent nip-and-tuck game this one, with almost all legs finishing in 15 darts or less. Mark missed three darts to win the 10th leg, and Richie took full advantage.

That brought my marking duties to an end for the day - for the record, Adrian Lewis went on to win the tournament, beating Robert Thornton in the final. I headed back into town and checked into Number Fifteen of Swinley - a fine pub with 5 lodging chambers upstairs. There I watched Ireland succumb to a narrow and controversial rugby defeat against Wales before making the short journey by foot to Sam's Bar. A number of £2.35 Carlings were downed there, whilst playing upon the quiz machine (a £2 investment yielded £3.50 - great success!) and yapping with PDC officials. There was also time for several games of darts, all of which I lost, to Kirk "The Kirkulator" Bevins, who hit a massively-impressive 11-darter during his lengthy spell at the board. I also indulged in a karaoke rendition of Unchained Melody, which brought the house down, purely in my mind.

And thus it was decreed that it was time to hit Wigan's version of Temple Bar, with Michael, Simon and Kirk, for an epic pub and club crawl. Our first port of call was Reflex 80's bar - always a popular spot with players, and indeed many were there. We happened across Michael Barnard and said hello, pointing out that we were PDC markers who had marked his games previously, but he vacated our company instantly and headed a mere 4 yards away - how hilarious! Let's chalk that down to an advanced state of refreshment as opposed to pig-ignorance.

Onwards to Maloney's bar where we worried further swathes of ladies whilst enjoying effervescent spirit-based liquids and banging choons, and then on to Elements Nightclub, after a nice promotions lady befriended us on the street and gave us entry for the mere sum of one British Pound - gift! Cue excessive frugging on the dancefloor and delicious fusions of vodka and Red Bull, until Geordie Mike decided that it would be an absolute jape to purchase an alcohol-free round of Dandelion and Burdocks. Spitting on me would have less of an insult. All too soon, the DJ span his last wheel of steel at 3.30am and it was time to retire back to Number Fifteen via a chicken shwarma pit-stop, bringing a hugely enjoyable 23-hour day to an end.

Just 2 of the lovely ladies who were worried during the course of the evening

The Kirkulator in epic form at Sam's Bar

Contentment : 16.5 / 25
Excitement :    4 / 10
Memorability : 5 / 15

Overall Score : 51% (6th out of 71)

Day 70 - Friday, March 11th, 2011

For the first and final time this week, I exited the Northern Trust building for lunch, and it was for pleasing reasons - to meet my parents and sister for lunch in the Purty Kitchen. Naturally, Citydeal vouchers were involved in the occasion (several blog aficionados have been bemoaning the lack of vouchers in my life of late, so hopefully this helps to fill the void), where we were each entitled to a starter, a main course and two drinks for the paltry sum of €12.50 each.

As I was working, I merely indulged in an orange juice, and the rest of the family stuck to tap-water, so this was one Citydeal that remianed largely unviolated. My seafood starter was tasty but I went for seafood overkill with the choice of Seafood Peasant's Platter for the main, and it went largely untouched. I did successfully manage to forage a number of exceptionally good chips from other plates though, rendering the occasion to be a culinary success.

Straight back to the Lighthouse after work was the self-proclaimed decree, conscious of the following day's required early ascendancy, but as usual due to various amounts of potterage, sleep was not actually achieved until 1am.


Today's Luncheon Venue

Contentment : 11.5 / 25
Excitement :    1.5 / 10
Memorability : 2.5 / 15

Overall Score : 31% (37th out of 70)

Day 69 - Thursday, March 10th, 2011

For the first time this year, both of the films viewed at Cineworld in the one evening were unspeakable vile. First up was West Is West (2 out of 10), the horrific sequel to the excellent East Is East (7.5 out of 10). Unfunny slapstick, crap acting, awful direction, lazy stereotyping - it had it all, and was made even worse by being shown in Screen 2 - there appears to be an unwritten rule that all morons are allowed in there to stick their legs in the air and bawl at the top of their voice during the film.

The joy of a Cineworld monthly unlimited ticket though is that you can up and leave a film and head straight to another one, which is exactly what I did, and the film that happened to be closest to starting was Unknown (2.5 out of 10) starring Liam Neeson, who has obviously fallen on hard times to have had to sign up for this piece of cinematic excrement which was completely unbelievable and had more holes in it than an industrial sieve.

 
Unknown how this made it to the cinema

Contentment : 9 / 25
Excitement :   1 / 10
Memorability : 0.5 / 15

Overall Score : 21% (65th out of 69)

Day 68 - Wednesday, March 9th, 2011

Truly magnificent news came by phone this afternoon from brother Shane that he and Suzetta have been with child for the past fifteen weeks, so that brightened up the day immensely, and Quarter 3 of 2011 will be hugely exciting with Niece/Nephew 1 due on July 6th and Niece/Nephew 2 expected in September.

Thursday Night Darts Club 76 in Doolan's saw another low-ish attendance of six athletes but it was no less enjoyable, and a large attendance will surely occur next week on St. Patrick's Eve. At the oche, Austin "The Iceman" McEvoy scored no less than 3 140s, whilst Justin "Judge Dredd" Bartholomew was joint-leader when he was coldly summonsed away by a phone-call from his boss-lady, resulting in a very easy 28th victory for John "The Equaliser" Delaney.

28-time TNDC Champion The Equaliser

Rankings 3-6 at TNDC LXXVIII

Contentment : 12.5 / 25

Excitement :    5.5 / 10

Memorability : 2.5 / 10

Overall Score : 41% (17th out of 68)

Day 67 - Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

Tuesday Night Golf Club was the order of the evening and the course of virtual choice was St. Andrew's Old Course, with its lovely forgiving lack of trees, and giant greens. A brand new champion was crowned in the guise of "English" Niall English, who scored a TNGC Record 47 points and mst surely now be facing a self-imposed decimation of his 18 handicap. After a strong start, I fell away in the last 4 holes but managed to claim joint 3rd out of 7th with 39 points, albeit with an increased handicap of 29. The traditional post-championship foray to The Oarsman nearby was strictly observed.

The Magnificent Oarsman

Contentment : 13 / 25

Excitement :    3 / 10

Memorability : 3 / 15

Overall Score : 38% (22nd out of 67)

Day 66 - Monday, March 7th, 2011

Despite the abundance of sleep in the immediate lead up to the day, fatigue most definitely dominated proceedings, but the day must still be registered as that of a fruitful one. We have been very much blessed with some fantastic weather of late, it must be said, as I hope is evidenced in the picture that I took on the way home from work.

The virtually-no-fat diet, so disgracefully dissed on Friday with a double helping of burgers and chips, was very much back on track today, following yesterday's re-adherence to the plan, and a cookage this evening of fusilli pasta, garden peas, mushrooms, pasta sauce, hot sauce, chilli powder, curry powder and black pepper.

I also unwrapped the duet of darts boards that had been shipped over to me by the very kind Steve, and hung one of them up on my wall - the 9-darter board of John Henderson, now signed by him and his opponent Andy Hamilton, together with PDC director Rod Harrington, something I shall treasure for a long long time.

                                        What a cracking evening! And it's only early March!

                                       The Hendo 9-darter board in its new cabinet home......
Contentment : 10 / 25
Excitement :    0.5 / 25
Memorability : 0.75 / 25

Overall Score : 22.5% (57th out of 66)

Day 65 - Sunday, March 6th, 2011

Thankfully, I had it in my head from the previous night to get up at the virtual crack of dawn and drive home, to recover, and that is what I did, arising at 10.15am, hitting the road 10 minutes later, and arriving back in the Lighthouse before 1pm, thanks to the magic of the straight motorway betwixt Ennis and Limerick, and onward to Dublin.

Absolutely nothing else happened for the rest of the day, bar falling asleep, recuperating from previous sleep deprivation acquired during the weekend and before. I do recall seeing intermittent parts of Liverpool beating Man United 3-1, and of the Irish cricket team succumbing very gracefully to their Indian counterparts in the World Cup.


Me. All day.

Contentment : 10 / 25
Excitement :    1/ 10
Memorability : 0.5 / 15

Overall Score : 23% (52nd out of 65)

Day 64 - Saturday, March 5th, 2011

What finer way to wash the cobwebs of dehydrated socialisation than with a maiden trip to Pure Skill on the outskirts of Galway City. This excellent and innovative leisure idea puts participants to the test in 10 different events. First up, it's 5 golf putts, with 2 points for a hole in one and 1 point for holing each in two. Then, it's 10 golf chip attempts at getting the ball into a round target, about 15 yards away. Third, it's 10 attempts at a rugby conversion, through a narrow upright. Then, 10 attempts at kicking a Gaelic point, again through narrow posts. Then, 10 tennis balls emerge at speed from a machine, and you have to hit a target with each, after the ball bounces. Then, 5 attempts at hitting the stumps in cricket. Seventh, you have to hit a hurling ball with a sliotar through far-away square targets. Eighth, its 12 attempts at a higher than normal basket. Ninth, 10 penalty kicks at a goalpost divided into quadrants, naming your quadrant each time. Finally, the piece de resistance, a machine fires baseballs at you at 55 miles per hour and you get a point for each ball you hit forward. It's all excellent fun and something which surely should be franchised elsewhere. For the record, I scored a miserable 19 points out of 100, although in the 20s is considered a good score for 1st-timers. Charmaine scored 13 whilst Mark scored a very impressive 31. The course record is 65 for men, 43 for women, so it ain't easy by any means!

After a painfully-slow drive back through Galway, and a much more pleasant romp up the dual carraigeway to Limerick, we headed for breakfast (for it was 2.30 by now) to the very charming Old Ground Hotel in Ennis. Apparently the chicken and ham vol-au-vents are an institution there, but I opted for the fillets of plaice with mash, turnips and broccoli, washed down with a pint of Guinness, and delicious it was too. Charmaine went off with her Mum to do some shopping, leaving Mark and I to venture to the Halfway House pub, a deliciously gloomy tavern which apparently allows women, although no-one was testing this rule at the time. Another Guinness was enjoyed, whilst seeing Arsenal being held to a 0-0 draw by Sunderland.

We then meandered into the town centre and another pub, with more very fine Guinness, watching Man City beat Wigan 1-0, and Munster easily overcome the Dragons. We were rejoined by Charmaine, her mum Tina and sister Lauren, and were whisked away to their local, before heading into the Chinese restaurant next door, where we shared a bevy of Oriental delights such as chicken satay, crispy wontons, spare ribs, black pepper king prawns, noodles, rice and a beef dish that I asked be as spicy as was humanly possible but which, traditionally, wasn't.

Nightcaps and laptop choons in Casa del Tina then followed, before retiring back to Mark and Charmaine's gaff via a taxi-ride from a strange old Northern Irishman, whose erratic driving concluded with a smack into a pavement kerb at the end of the journey, surely doing little good to his suspension.

Contentment : 14 / 25

Excitement :    3.5 / 10
Memorability : 4.5 / 15

Overall Score : 44% (13th out of 64)