Security is negotiated speedily and without incident, and the Ruinair flight is a very pleasant one, with a surprising lack of buffoons aboard. It all even makes the Punctuality Bugle sound semi-pleasant when it is foisted upon us shortly after landing. And get this - it's not raining in Manchester - ace!
Via two quick train journeys (to Manchester Piccadilly and onward to Wigan Wallgate), I find myself in Wigan's BHS cafe at 9.15am, enjoying a 5-item breakfast with hot drink for £2.34 - magnificent! Now I realise that you would simply refuse to allow me to continue if I didn't reveal the identity of those 5 breakfast items, so for the record, 'twas hash brown, baked beans, scrambled egg, fried agg and potato skins, with a mug of green tea. Simply delicious, it has to be said, which is fortunate, as I've just said it.
Time still remains on my side, so I exploit this situation by visiting one of my favourite clothing emporium chains, Republic, acquiring a new jacket and a flannel shirt - boss! Then onto WH Smith's to cash in a voucher discovered in a discarded Daily Star on the train which entitles me to a complimentary set of headphones - mint!
A 20 minute walk from town (wearing swanky Maxell Swarowski crystal headphones and listening to the latest episode of Tiesto's Clublife) brings me to Robin Park Tennis Club, which is this weekend's epicentre of the darting world, hosting a brace of UK Open Championship Qualifiers, each boasting £35,000 in prizemoney. The time is now 11.37am, which makes me 37 minutes late in British terms (as there is a requirement to turn up an hour in advance and do nothing) and 23 minutes early in Irish terms (as I have arrived 23 minutes before I am required to do any work).
After highly-emotional reunions with my fellow marking colleagues, the following moments reveal that I have acquired custody of Board 12, and the following matches :
Preliminary Round
Simon Jones 6 Nigel Birch 5
I know I'm sugar-coating it terribly, but this was the worst, most dire and most unenjoyable PDC match that I have ever marked, and both players concurred with me afterwards in this regard. The first leg was won in 28 darts, the next in 25 and it didn't improve as the match, which of course lasted the full 11 legs, went on. In terms of ebb and flow it was an epic, with Simon from the Isle of Man going 5-1 up before Nigel brought it to a decider, but the ultra-low scoring and finishing standards negated all of this.
First Round (Last 128)
Mark Dudbridge 6 Ian Lever 0
Mark was full of chat before the game started and was in commanding form in the match, white-washing Ian who simply never got going. Mark hit 180s for fun, especially in his 1st 3 darts of many legs, setting my greedy thoughts focusing on yet another 9-darter. Mark hung around afterwards and we had a great chat. He asked who my favourite player was and I replied that I didn't have one, being an impartial marker. He reckoned that it should be Paul Nicholson, due to my similarity to him, and he is far from the first to say it! I have also been compared looks-wise to James Wade and Barney's former manager - can you spot the spectacle-theme here?!
Antonio Alcinas 6 David Coyne 2
This was my first time to mark both Dave, my travel buddy par excellence, and Antonio, the Spanish Boy Wonder. I greeted Antonio with a "Mucho gusto" (pleased to meet you), prompting a genuine look of delight. What followed was a fantastic rapid-fire game with excellent scoring by both players. Antonio got his nose ahead early on, and Dave's spirits were quickly lowered - when Dave starts focusing on the entire game and keeps positive even when behind, he is going to start winning games, and plenty of them. I saw something similar in Michael Smith last year when he loved to win 6-0 and 6-1 but almost always came out the wrong side of a match that went to 10 legs or more, and he has now kicked on nicely. Antonio was hugely impressive though, and is going to rapidly ascend the ranks in the months ahead.
Richie Burnett 6 Ashley Holgate 2
During the lengthy wait for Richie to arrive (a time-honoured PDC tradition, apparently), I chatted with Ashley who had time to tell me about his time in the US where people always spelled his name wrong (Ashley is considered a female name there, with Ashleigh the male equivalent) and confused his surname with that of a toothpaste brand. When Richie did turn up, he was in imperious form, recording an easy win.
Barrie Bates 6 Simon Jones 4
This game again featured low scoring and sloppy finishing - does Simon have this effect on everyone?! The game's duration did give me time to notice Barrie's limp which is getting worse all the time and surely corrective surgery needs to be on its way soon.
Second Round (Last 64)
Mark Dudbridge 6 Antonio Alcinas 5
This was to be a day of matches of wildly varying quality, but thankfully now it was time for an absolute epic. Both players were in sublime scoring form and before we knew it, we had arrived at the 11th and deciding leg, which Mark took.
Richie Burnett 6 Barrie Bates 3
I expected there to be a little more banter than there was in this Welsh derby, where Richie always looked like the winner.
Third Round (Last 32)
Richie Burnett 6 Mark Dudbridge 4
An excellent nip-and-tuck game this one, with almost all legs finishing in 15 darts or less. Mark missed three darts to win the 10th leg, and Richie took full advantage.
That brought my marking duties to an end for the day - for the record, Adrian Lewis went on to win the tournament, beating Robert Thornton in the final. I headed back into town and checked into Number Fifteen of Swinley - a fine pub with 5 lodging chambers upstairs. There I watched Ireland succumb to a narrow and controversial rugby defeat against Wales before making the short journey by foot to Sam's Bar. A number of £2.35 Carlings were downed there, whilst playing upon the quiz machine (a £2 investment yielded £3.50 - great success!) and yapping with PDC officials. There was also time for several games of darts, all of which I lost, to Kirk "The Kirkulator" Bevins, who hit a massively-impressive 11-darter during his lengthy spell at the board. I also indulged in a karaoke rendition of Unchained Melody, which brought the house down, purely in my mind.
And thus it was decreed that it was time to hit Wigan's version of Temple Bar, with Michael, Simon and Kirk, for an epic pub and club crawl. Our first port of call was Reflex 80's bar - always a popular spot with players, and indeed many were there. We happened across Michael Barnard and said hello, pointing out that we were PDC markers who had marked his games previously, but he vacated our company instantly and headed a mere 4 yards away - how hilarious! Let's chalk that down to an advanced state of refreshment as opposed to pig-ignorance.
Onwards to Maloney's bar where we worried further swathes of ladies whilst enjoying effervescent spirit-based liquids and banging choons, and then on to Elements Nightclub, after a nice promotions lady befriended us on the street and gave us entry for the mere sum of one British Pound - gift! Cue excessive frugging on the dancefloor and delicious fusions of vodka and Red Bull, until Geordie Mike decided that it would be an absolute jape to purchase an alcohol-free round of Dandelion and Burdocks. Spitting on me would have less of an insult. All too soon, the DJ span his last wheel of steel at 3.30am and it was time to retire back to Number Fifteen via a chicken shwarma pit-stop, bringing a hugely enjoyable 23-hour day to an end.
Contentment : 16.5 / 25
Excitement : 4 / 10
Memorability : 5 / 15
Overall Score : 51% (6th out of 71)
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